the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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