Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
