I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
