I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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