I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
