wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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