I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she smelled like a LAN party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
