Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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