We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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