I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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