i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
