The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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