i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
