you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
