P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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