so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
