can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
