Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I will be naked everywhere
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
