Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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