It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
