Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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