I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
