Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
