and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's paint friendship bongs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
