There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
