I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
