apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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