Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
