peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
