life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
