at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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