so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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