If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
