Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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