I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
