I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think your dad took our porno
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
