I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
