Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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