having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
