Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
