Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
