How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
