Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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