Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
