It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
