You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
