when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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