remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
