why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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