maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
