Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i will never coherently bang her
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
