Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
