he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
