You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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