If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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