I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
