He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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