i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
